![]() ![]() Although the film skillfully incorporated the song “Betty Davis Eyes” (to my delight), Max’s having to deal with her issues in the woods killed her mother and brought her face to face with the machete wielding Billy. Similarly, Max never would have ended up at Camp Bloodbath were she not trying to work out her family demons. Alison might not have been subjected to the horror of Cheerleader Camp (1988) if she had just accepted love from other places and dealt with the fact that her parents rejected her. It’s obvious that Jason Voorhees just can’t move forward-and it might just have something to do with the altar bearing his mother’s head. One of my favorite quotes is “Don’t Look Back You’re Not Going That Way” (thanks to a sign in The Christmas Tree Shops), and I feel it holds true in terms of following your past into one of the most inherently creepy places possible: the woods. The woods are not the place to work out your family issues. Life lessons from Cabin Fever (2002) include: don’t drink the lemonade and never buy things from seemingly innocent little girls (okay that last one is just a personal preference).Ĥ. It should be noted that it’s not just the swimming hole that holds horrors unknown, but also the drinking water. Although, who would have thought industrial waste would finally be the solution to something, we must keep that in mind. As if a swimming marathon and swarms of small children aren’t enough to kill you, any time there are bodies of water with names like Lost River Lake my inner Darwinian neurons start firing off. I already mentioned how my Girl Scout camp lake reminded me of the horrors in Creepshow 2 (1987), but let’s not forget the obvious with Piranha (1978). The shot in Jaws (1975) where you can see the girl’s feet dangling from the shark’s perspective is my own personal nightmare. Just when she thought it was safe to go back in the water, Alice Hardy gets picked off by her nemesis in Friday the 13 th (1980), the protagonists in Backcountry entered their own personal hell via canoe (take notes, guys, on how NOT to propose to your fiancé), and Angela’s whole life would have been different had her father never taken her out on that boat in Sleepaway Camp (1983).ģ. I just don’t like not knowing what is under the water. ![]() Okay, we all know how the canoe ride ends up in Deliverance (1972) but let’s not forget that Jennifer is innocently floating in her canoe when she is stalked by Stanley and Andy in I Spit on Your Grave (1978). When bears move into the realm of attacking helicopters and requiring bazookas to subdue them, I have to bow out gracefully.Ģ. Canoeing apparently leads you to the gates of hell. ![]() Both Grizzly (1976) and Backcountry (2014) feature bears that are definitely not the type to snack gleefully at the bird feeder in the Poconos. As we embark on the summer of 2016, maybe some of these films will help you decide whether you would rather camp along the Appalachian Trail or book a room at the Hyatt this year.ġ. I don’t hate bears, but I don’t want to sleep near them-unless it’s a Care Bear, preferably Grumpy Bear. Whether it is a vacation getaway in the woods, a week at summer camp, or some time to hone your cheerleading skills, these films offer little respite for the weary. From a horror film stand point, I just feel as if things work out better for folks in the city than in the woods. By no means do I shudder from the great outdoors, but let’s just say I would take my chances in an urban jungle long before I would canoe down the Cahulawassee River looking to play Dueling Banjos with the locals. Frankly, I might take a night at Camp Bloodbath before I would go back to Girl Scout camp. The food sucked, the lake was icky (reminded me of “The Raft” segment from Creepshow 2 ), and I swear I pulled latrine duty every time. I was an awkwardly shy kid away from home for the first time in the middle of nowhere with only one friend. I should preface this by stating that I was traumatized by Girl Scout camp long before I saw any of these films. ![]()
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